Weblog

Sunday, 22 August 2010

  • I'm angry about something not worth being angry about. But that doesn't make it less frustrating. I was never one for getting mad at stupid things.  What's going on?  

Monday, 09 August 2010

  • I'm about to offend somebody here.  But I was thinking....


    If I live my life well, treat others well, be the best person I can be, and not do bad things..... and the Christian afterlife is true afterall,..... and I still get sent to Hell because I don't fully believe in God....

    That's just not cool.

    God doesn't send people to Hell; people send themselves to Hell... but..... if that's the only factor... then that just sucks.

    I'm quite ignorant about Christianity and I may have some bad assumptions.... but that's what it sounds like. 

    I'm going to Hell because I'm not Christian.  And Christians feel pity for me because I don't believe, so it is their Christian duty to convert me/educate me so my "good" soul won't be sent to Hell.  It doesn't really seem like a favor to me.  It seems like, "hey, it doesn't matter if you're a good person.  You need to go to church and believe in order for that to matter."

    You may think..... well you don't even believe in Hell or Heaven or God, so why bother?

    Truth is... I don't not believe in Christianity.  Or countless other religions for that matter.  I believe that all of them are possibilities and these possibilities cannot be ruled out unless proven otherwise.  So, saying What IF?  What if the Bible were completely true?  Do people like me just burn in Hell for such a technicality?


    Christian duty and choice:  This is a touchy subject.  Free will and determinism.  I don't believe in complete free will, and i don't believe in determinism.  There's a gray area.
    So it is the Christian duty to educate as many people about God as they can, right?  So that people can be saved and not go to Hell (watered-down version).  So is it just a choice between: believe or go to Hell?   Sounds like bribery or blackmail. 
    And again, I don't believe I can CHOOSE what I believe in.  I can't wake up the next morning and choose, Hey, I'm going to believe in God and tomorrow I'm going to believe in Buddha.  It certainly doesn't work like that.  

    So then is free will being held against us?  If God cares so much about us, why would he give us the choice to send ourselves to Hell: aka not believe in him fully?  Does He want us to WANT to believe?  If so, then isn't that a bit selfish?  And as a perfect being, selfishness isn't part of it... although who said that selfishness is a bad thing? 

    Please, I'm looking for a good debate.  And answers to these questions.  I'm not fully understanding the hypocrisy of God's perfection and His flaws. 


    As for my beliefs:
    I'm slowly drifting to a belief.  Not sure yet. 
    I think that there is good evidence that there is a higher being in this world.
    However, our creation's details are not clear.  The god's role in our lives is not clear.  The god's perfection/imperfection is not clear.  The god's goals and reasons for creating us are not clear. 

    However the one thing that differentiates one individual's fate to another is this:
    The treatment of others.  As long as you treat others well with respect and love; as long as you try to be the best person you can be - you are respected in god's eyes and no matter what happens after death if at all, it will be dependent on the treatment of his other creation. 
    There are no criterion for purpose of life, for morals, for heaven, for hell.  

    The thing that I am sure of is Harmony.  The integration of Yin and Yang.   One thing cannot live without its opposing force or extreme. 

    The other thing that I am sure of is regression towards the mean.  Everything will eventually be normal - average - like an asymptote to a regulated line.

Tuesday, 02 March 2010

  • I miss it, the complete trust. I miss giving out my heart for someone to hold.

    I keep thinking, "what if".... I keep thinking about it despite having been so hurt knowing that I wasn't special.

    I wish I'd been more hurt so I can move on.
  • Plans

    - Move out of this hellhole
    - Move into an apartment
    - Get a summer job and pay for rent.
    - Take summer classes
    - Take a million classes
    - Take more summer classes
    - Graduate end of Junior year
    - try to get into PhD program
    - If not, get a paid internship somewhere.
    - Earn PhD in about 4 years
    - Dr. Vo at age 25/26
    - Don't know from here...

    - Can I do it?

    I have no effing clue.

Saturday, 07 November 2009

  • Suspended in ashes, remnants of yesterday.
    I stand in disbelief, as all gave way.
    There is no looking towards tomorrow,
    Because future anticipates, only holding sorrow.

    Support is found everywhere, in places not yet known.
    Hope is renewed, recycled, restarted, regrown.
    Repeated and neverending, does the hurt continue.
    Always, I alone am responsible for losing you.

    I wish you didn't give me that look of torture.
    That is, this symphony only has an overture.
    I am forced to find elsewhere to lean,
    Because music no longer keeps my emotions clean.

    Where do I go when the shoulder leaves?
    When I push away those closest, those weaved?
    The bond that holds us together tight
    Breaks, leaving me to wonder if my life is right.

    Farther down, I have lost all faith
    In myself, in this state that is no longer safe.
    Congregations are here for me, ready to catch.
    When they fall, will I just stand and watch?

    After this, a part of me is gone, absent.
    The old fears have risen, without my consent.
    I'm just not there, not good enough.
    Be connected to me, it's going to be rough.

    Refusal is redundant and hopeless.
    Fate has found me, in this belief of the fateless.
    Just to spite me and render me wrong
    I am left to choose to between being weak and strong.

    I keep apologizing, feeling regret.
    When all I need to do is act and get
    A grip on reality and accept
    That I don't deserve goodness from those adept.


Top Tags

[no tags]

the_asian14

  • Visit the_asian14's Xanga Site
    • Name: Lindsay
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 9/10/2008

Archives

Don't worry - your calendar is here… to see it in action just click "Save" above and refresh the page.

About Me

  • I enjoy letting people get to know me.

Groups

[no groups]

Pulse

Photostrip

[no photos]

Recommended