Suspended in ashes, remnants of yesterday.
I stand in disbelief, as all gave way.
There is no looking towards tomorrow,
Because future anticipates, only holding sorrow.
Support is found everywhere, in places not yet known.
Hope is renewed, recycled, restarted, regrown.
Repeated and neverending, does the hurt continue.
Always, I alone am responsible for losing you.
I wish you didn't give me that look of torture.
That is, this symphony only has an overture.
I am forced to find elsewhere to lean,
Because music no longer keeps my emotions clean.
Where do I go when the shoulder leaves?
When I push away those closest, those weaved?
The bond that holds us together tight
Breaks, leaving me to wonder if my life is right.
Farther down, I have lost all faith
In myself, in this state that is no longer safe.
Congregations are here for me, ready to catch.
When they fall, will I just stand and watch?
After this, a part of me is gone, absent.
The old fears have risen, without my consent.
I'm just not there, not good enough.
Be connected to me, it's going to be rough.
Refusal is redundant and hopeless.
Fate has found me, in this belief of the fateless.
Just to spite me and render me wrong
I am left to choose to between being weak and strong.
I keep apologizing, feeling regret.
When all I need to do is act and get
A grip on reality and accept
That I don't deserve goodness from those adept.
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